Sandwich Generation: What’s filling yours?

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This blog explores solutions to the “Bar juggle” for the Sandwich Generation

The sandwich generation squeezed

As a working parent, doubtless you’ll recall being in the trenches with a newborn. Do you remember living in hope that “it gets easier as they get older…”?

But edging towards being an empty-nester, are you beginning to imagine a time when you’ll have to switch from child to elder care?

Or how about counsel who feels, honestly, that prior to this exact and precise moment, they’ve been fortunate enough to somehow cruise easily through your career.

Then comes that life event knocking you for six. 

The set back

Whether expected and planned for – like a career break – or something entirely out of the blue – perhaps caring for elderly relatives whilst still with teen kids, or a significant health diagnosis – you are left with a complete lack of control or agency. You find yourself not only fire-fighting, daily, averting disaster only by sheer accident, but also carrying a huge burden, presenting a real risk of overwhelm at best or, more likely, serious burn out.

How can you get ahead of the curve? And how can you not only survive but continue to thrive?

The solutions

Expecting the unexpected – because you’ve at least previously considered it, and are now acknowledging it as “as thing” – demonstrates you’re already part-way equipped with the tools within you to regain that sense of choice and control.

Here are some practical strategies for navigating those tricky “sandwich generation” times, supporting you to succeed, both professionally and within your personal life.

Navigating expected life events for those with caring responsibilities

Whether taking a career break, navigating life as a working parent, or stepping up to care for elderly relatives, there are at least 7 tactics to deploy.

  1. Remember that taking a career break involves 5 stages – this is not just about navigating a successful return. The planning needs to start at point of announcement, and continue through the break, whilst preparing for and at the point of return, then continuing a way into the future considering career progression beyond. All of that requires foresight, planning, and, in conversation with clerks, good communication and a clear strategy, explored and tested in regular Practice Development Review meetings at each of the critical stages.
  2. Be prepared to challenge traditional narratives. This is a 2 fold point.
    1. Firstly, don’t accept this is “just” a women’s issue. Where Chambers loose female talent due to an inability to “make it work”, this affects everyone. This includes through increased burden on those that remain; financial ramifications around loss of income/ rent in Chambers; and unquantifiable reputational damage as the senior female leadership pipeline dries up. The outside world judges that “women don’t progress there”.
    2. Secondly, by changing our language around parental (not simply maternity) leave, we shift social “norms” around who bears the brunt of caring responsibilities. This creates an acceptance around working fathers sharing the load. Even as we think about it internally too -seeing it as a “balance” rather than a “juggle” can shift our thinking on how do-able it all feels.
  3. Plan where you can. Reduced income whilst on a break needs to be planned for, and indeed for the first month or 2 that a practice resumes, not to mention the additional costs of childcare on a return. What are your contingency plans for this? Think savings; clerks chasing aged debt; meaningful rent breaks as opposed to just window dressing; Chambers interest free loans to tide returners over.
  4. Ensure that Chambers support systems are fit for purpose:
    1. Are policies recently reviewed and fit for purpose, providing meaningful support?
    2. Can training better inform the experiences of all affected by time away or competing interests, such as for clerks to returners; the returners themselves; or even senior leaders to behave with more consistency and empathy towards those adversely affected by the demands of being in the sandwich generation.
  5. Be honest with yourself AND those around you – about your goals, your capacity, your availability – and adapt accordingly. Continue being strategic about career progression, with regular PDRs, whilst remaining disciplined around focus and boundaries, to better navigating multiple hat-wearing. You don’t need to say yes to absolutely everything if this doesn’t fit in with the strategic, longer-term plan. Accepting a shift of gear and mindset, even if only temporarily, might also be helpful, for example, to perhaps “swim in the slow lane”, and ask yourself the important questions:
    1. What does success look like to me, and only me?
    2. Who am I now, and how do I achieve this new version of success?
  6. Know your limits and be mindful, and protective, of your time. Keep personal wellbeing front and centre even whilst at full capacity. “You time” isn’t selfish or indulgent. There’s a reason why on aeroplanes we are asked to fit our own oxygen masks first. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Wellness doesn’t have to take hours or represent the commitment of the already time-poor going to a regular gym class 5 times a week. Whilst aspirational that is likely to feel unattainable. Practising mindfulness and gratitudes cost moments whilst paying dividends.
  7. Ask for help. It is a strength to do so, not a weakness. Support and solace can be found in a variety of places both within and outside the profession. Align yourself with those individuals and organisations who can guide and inspire you to cope and conquer in these moments.

Coping with Unexpected Life Events, such as bereavement, ill health and menopause

Whilst certain events may be unexpected and, of course, unwanted, that’s not to say they can’t be planned for.

  1. The ups and downs of self-employment can be better navigated with sound financial planning – making sure there are enough savings to cover unexpected periods of absence and insurance for when it matters. Critical illness cover, for example, is a must.
  2. As with the expected events, good lines of communication are essential – with clerks to support the navigation of the unique demands of any given situation, and support networks – friends and family – to help with the emotional and practical stuff beyond the Bar.
  3. Be prepared to dust off the professional mask as a way to navigate the immediate short term needs, whilst seeking help for the rest. It pays to be honest with others about those current needs, and with yourself around what good looks like in challenging times.
  4. This might require a mindset shift too. It’s imperative to remember that whatever life throws at us, we still have a degree of agency, and indeed freedom of choice: “It’s not what life does to you that’s important, but what you do with what life does to you”
  5. When balancing various and undoubtedly precarious commitments, before making any big decisions, ask “What does good look like” in terms of the current circumstances as opposed to an assessment conducted before the intervening event.

You’ve got this, and needn’t do it alone

The sandwich generation is a season, not a sentence, and throughout you maintain agency. In the thick of it, you still retain more control than you might imagine. That means being honest about your goals and limits, communicating clearly with clerks and Chambers, and pushing back on the norms that make things harder than they needs to be. Start small: book a PDR, review your financial plans, or simply reach out to someone who gets it. Coaching exists for exactly these moments too.

Reach out. Plan ahead. Back yourself.